Dreams: The 12 Days of Stressmas

It's that time of year, again! Time for spicy coffee blends and glittery mail and fuzzy blankets that smell faintly of vanilla and joy and song and cookies and the suffocating realization that the New Year is imminent and I have nothing to show for my personal and professional life. Raise your wassail, friends- It's Stress Dream Season!

Last night I had a dream that I was working at a small jewelry manufacturer and by small I mean me and Robin Marcello (who I went to high school with and haven't spoken to in nearly 20 years and I probably just saw her name on Facebook and it stuck- Robin, I'm sorry, let the record show that you're a good person) and we worked for the Grinch. Not the silly cartoon Grinch but a human interpretation who was really mangy and creepy. We worked in a dank one-room office with faux-wood paneling and a concrete floor and the only furnishings were matching metal teacher's desks which Robin and I sat at, side by side. 

The Grinch came in on this particular day, sneered a "Good Morning" at us and told us that he was offering a $3 million Christmas bonus to whichever one of us produced 3 salable necklaces by midnight that night. He shoved a cardboard box of materials at each of us and slithered into his office. I was shaking with excitement. Necklaces were my specialty so I knew I had this in the bag and my mind was racing with all the ways I would use the money. "I'll pay off my student loan and my car loan and I'll start a retirement plan and I'll go to France and I'll take a writing sabbatical and I'll buy a house and new jeans and an ice cream maker!" (I really want an ice cream maker) I felt so light and free and I had to concentrate really hard in order to not break down and cry huge, cathartic I'll-Never-Be-Hungry-Again tears but I didn't want to show any emotion because I knew it would make the Grinch angry.  

I looked in the box and it was a tangle of cheap gold-plated chain.  I loosened a couple strands and as I tried to open the links to attach a clasp, the chain disintegrated and the more I tried to work with it, the more it would disintegrate. I wasn't going to be able to make any necklaces and I wasn't going to earn the $3 million dollars. The Grinch had set us up to fail. I looked over at Robin and I could see she was processing this, too. I was going to offer her some consolation but then she looked at me and smiled and said, "I'll be back in a bit." and she left. 

Some time passed and Robin returned triumphantly with three beautiful necklaces. She had gone out and bought materials to make them and the Grinch was very pleased. "But she cheated!" I cried. "She didn't use what you gave us!" and he just looked at me with hatred and pity and cackled, "Details, details..." so pleased with his crafty his protege. Suddenly I was having trouble breathing. I felt a crushing disgust in my chest - disgust with Robin for cheating so smugly, disgust with the Grinch for rewarding her dishonesty, and disgust with myself for failing to think creatively and missing out on $3 million. I worked for the Grinch, I should have known that manipulation was expected. I should have been more innovative. I watched Robin and the Grinch celebrate and buried my head in my hands and wept. 

And then I woke up with my tiny dog curled into my neck, snoring contentedly with the tip of her ear up one of my nostrils. I know my life is pretty great and I have a lot to be thankful for but airy sentiment never seems to keep my subconscious from taking a magnifying glass to my every disappointment and creating elaborate disaster scenarios during the month of December. I wonder what the next episode will be! Famine? Car crash? Tidal wave? My series of terrifying tidal wave dreams are usually reserved for periods when I'm particularly anxious about money but anything is possible during Stressmas...