Dreams: Riding in Cars With Boys

Last night I had a dream that it was opening night of an adult summer camp production of Singin' in the Rain and I was directing. Because I take pride in my work and the summer camp presumably gave me an 8-figure budget, I had brilliantly conceived a production in which all the musical numbers happen at the same time on multiple open-air stages however the sound system had failed and so the audience of thousands was picnicking on a hillside watching silent chorus numbers and booing me. I was a nervous wreck pacing back behind the crowd and I turned to signal the sound team when I was stopped by two giant, lanky, Muppet-like dogs that were covered in fleas and open sores. I felt bad because they seemed so forlorn but I didn't think I should pet them because they looked diseased and as I was evaluating this a guy approached me and somehow I instinctively knew that he had rescued the dogs and was nursing them back to health and I immediately developed an all-consuming crush on him. His face was tanned and deeply creased and his hair was really wiry and greasy and I remember thinking that the look in his eyes was a little creepy but that I shouldn't judge someone by their appearance and so I stuck out my hand to introduce myself but as I did, I sneezed and blew snot all over my face. I was so embarrassed and I tried to clean it but it was chunky and the more I tried to wipe it away, the more it smeared and I was about to run when Crazy Eyes offered me a packet of mini tissues.  I wiped my face and he took my hand and I left the production to follow he and his dogs into the back of a rusted-out van and we drove away while he played me songs on a broken guitar.

I probably don't have to map out the takeaway here. My dating life has clearly plummeted from simply "pitiful" into a menacing danger zone. Apparently I have reached a new low in which I am susceptible to walking away from gainful employment to climb into rusted-out vans with the first available leather-faced weirdo who offers me a tissue. Well done, men of Los Angeles! You've corroded the last of my dignity. My father will sleep like a baby tonight. I have no tools to navigate this uncharted world of desperation, so if any of you out there have any tips, tricks or Mace, all assistance in restoring my self-worth is appreciated. Until then, I'm keeping my cell phone charged and using the Buddy System.